BLUEPRINTS
The Students
Heather Todd ’02 and Matt
Wilhite ’02
“When you’re an undergrad, there’s not so
much need to separate school and personal
responsibility.”
Their Challenges
Heather Todd and Matt Wilhite, now
both in graduate school at the University
of Iowa, found balancing work and couple
time more difficult when the demands on
their time were unequal. Together since
high school in Brevard, they married in
2003 and worked for a few years before
Matt started studying for a doctorate in
religious studies. For a while after they
moved to Iowa, Heather worked a 9-to- 5
job while Matt juggled academic work
and grading papers.
“He was a student and I wasn’t, and we
didn’t know anybody yet,” Heather said.
“It was harder to spend time together
because he’d need to work and I wouldn’t.”
Matt also found it difficult. “When
you’re an undergrad, there’s not so much
need to separate school and personal
responsibility. You go to a movie and stay
up all night writing a paper, and then you
get up in the morning and go to class.
That doesn’t work when you’re a graduate student and married.”
Their Coping Strategies
By the end of his first year in grad
school, Matt says, he had learned to manage his time better. “If I look ahead and
make time for my [academic] responsibilities during a certain part of the day, the
rest of time I can dedicate to Heather, to
us. Once I was able to do that, things
improved drastically.”
When Heather started working on a
master’s in public health, that helped, too.
“Now we have the same goals, and we
can just sit together on the couch and
read,” she says. “We both understand how
important each other’s work is. If there’s a
time period where work has to come
first, that’s just how it is.”
They often do a crossword together or
watch a rerun on TV before launching
into an evening’s schoolwork. On the
weekends, they get up early to drink cof-
COURTESY HEATHER TODD ’02 AND MAT T WILHITE ’02
Having similar workloads and being organized help Heather Todd ’02 and Matt
Wilhite ’02 balance their lives.
fee and read The New York Times together.
At the beginning of each semester, they
compare schedules and figure out which
days they can meet for lunch on campus.
Matt says it helps to separate academic
and personal responsibilities. “When I
come home, that’s the time I’m a husband
first. When I’m in the office, I’m a grad
student and a teacher first.”
Heather finds that a flexible attitude is
important: “It’s being understanding
enough to know that plans can change,
but it’s not the end of the world.”
